Keralavum Mada Puravum

Weak hearted Keralites and Pro Air India travellers , please avoid reading further .

Keralavum Mada Puravum .

A title in which only Kerala is related while Mada Pura was added as it sounded somewhat artistic .,

The first thing i thought of after landing in kochi was the awesome mallu food i am going to have which i was always craving for.. basically not mallu food but some south indian food , if not chennai atleast Kochi . I normally have my dinner post 10 and when i stepped out that night to have dinner , to my astonishment most of the hotels were shut and few of them which were open had any veg food with them . This is one of the major problems i face wherever i go.. lack of authentic veg food :( I somehow had to compromise myself with 3 parotas and kadala curry . So i thought next day afternoon i can have a feast but later the next afternoon i slowly realized that you don't get nothing but boiled rice .. ya you read it right BOILED RICE . The next thing which came into my mind .....Thank God I didn't marry a mallu girl , otherwise I would have starved to death with the kinda food available there . I thought being a vegetarian would be a PROBBLAM (read malayali accent ) but fucking fish the rice is so round and big in shape .. I could have made a ball out of the rice and killed the waiter with one throw on his face , but suddenly I realised that I shouldn't kill him so easily ;) forget the food , even the water is pink in color and that too hot .. Remember its hot and not warm .

The hotels are almost shut by 9 pm and stores by 8 . I don't know about other cities in kerala but kochi is still an undeveloped village in a city's disguise .

These guys seem to know four languages but unfortunately all four - English Hindi Tamil and Malayalam all sound like Malayalam only :( so irrespective of the cab driver , auto drivers , hotel staff and everyone , everyone speaks all four languages in malayalam .

If spending two days in kochi was an awesome experience , things couldn't get better when i booked a return flight with air india . This is the first time I am traveling with them and trust me this would be the last time too . After check in they gave me a customs clarification note some damn thing like that to fill it up , otherwise you can't check in . bingo . now i had to search for a pen at early hour as 4 in the morning . finally after searching a lot in the international airpot i luckily (really?) found an aunty (the "aunty aunty aunty" voice was echoing inside my mind like that godrej commercial ) and asked her a pen for which she showed me the empty airport with hardly three or four around and asked me to get it somewhere from the airport . ya i know not carrying a pen is definitely my fault . somehow the guy at the customs understood my agony and put a stamp on my ticket allowing me to check in without filling up that form .. than you uncle (this time it didn't echo thrice)

now i thought my problems would end as soon as i reached mumbai (i didn't forget the inflight crew experience but not worth sharing) . I somehow blissfully threw my ticket once i got down the flight . Till now , i have travelled quite a bit in domestic flights but what was coming ahead was somewhat silly not to be expected from Air India . Now , they have to give a stamp of checking out also .. holy shit . so , i was asked to stand in a corner while everyone walked out happily and at the end i was called . The security guy was having a merry time giving me a classic example like how i would have my ticket till last while traveling in bus and train till i get down and hence i should also carry my flight ticket along till i get down the flight . Now , i told him that i did the same here . The ticket was with me till i got down the flight but threw it off as i usually do once i get down a bus or a train . I don't know whether i didn't understand his logic or he didn't understand mine , he let me go by issuing the stamp on the printout i had with me .

being the daredevil I am , I would definitely go to kerala again whenever possible but i wouldn't dare fly in Air India again :)

The above mentioned incidents are not updated here to hurt any Keralite or Air India . If so , it was unintentional and so please don't book a case on me or vandalize any of my relatives property whom you can find only deep down in some remote village in andhra .

Happy Birthday Big B

Belated Birthday Wishes Mr . Amitabh ji ! 
Though I had time all day to wish you , I didn't as I wanted to ask you 7 questions on your 70 th birthday for which replying would be little difficult for you .

1 . Is that Hair on your head real or a wig ? Please clear this speculation sir . 

2 . Do you know farming ? I read that you do farming in your free time when you are not acting 

3 . Are you still friends with. Rekha & Amar singh ? 
I don't see Jaya ji supporting her Bhai anymore . 

4 . Did Khader Khan really refused to call you Sir ji and that's why you are not friends with him anymore ? I saw a video on youtube him giving an interview years back accusing the same . Dogs bark at elephant , don't they ? 

5 . Did you really expect your son Abhishek Bachchan to give a hit after 19 flops similarly to the way you hit a hit with Zanzeer after 19 flops? You are great sir ji 

6. Why not Jaya bhaaduri bachchan and only Jaya Bachchan , why Aishwarya Rai Bachchan and not Aishwrya Bachchan . Please share your Rai on this . 

7 . Why didn't you invite your good old friend Mr . Rajiv Gandhi's wife for your birthday bash when you can take an recommendation letter from His Mom Ms . Indhira Gandhi to act in 7 Hindustani for which you got a National Award too ? 

that intrusive and inquisitive me 
...... Belated birthday wishes anyways !



One last minute information that just because you replaced Shahrukh in KBC , he replaced you in Jab Tak Hien Jiya Khan .. Sorry Jab tak hien Jaan ? Is that true ?

One more reason we are unhappy is thinking that NO ONE UNDERSTANDS US.. some even take pride in saying.. huh i am not that easy to understand.. what r u saying.. why are u so difficult to understand.. are u some maze or suffering from temporary memory loss..?? huh.. wear a smile and talk what u want to.. everyone will understand.. even dogs will come wagging their tails behind u.. trust me.. try it if u want.. (you always have my phone number if the same dog bites you because you are just too difficult to understand lolz)
well I was once working as a Sales executive for Citibank credit cards and i was nt able to convince one single person to buy onesingle credit card for the whole month and obviously I had to stand in front of my manager and explain him.. you know what i told him.. sir.. these people dont understand at all.. the reply he gave me changed me on the whole.. "dude..its your job to make him understand.. you are the Sales Executive and you are being paid for that.. The customer is not doing ur job . so tell that you were not able to make him understand" now you got what i am trying to tell u..

TRAFFIC.. I know .. it takes hours to reach ur office.. every day..every morning every every evening.. there are lots of vehicles on the road.. bad roads.. we have every right to complain because WE are not a part of it na.. we are just flying in the air and feel sorry for others.. goshhh.. are u in ur minds? how can you crib about something in which YOU ARE A PART TOO.. so first stop travelling if u ever want to crib about traffic.. be the solution dude.. not a problem.. (thank god i didnt give u my address.. i would have been killed by now for saying that)


LAST AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.. "FAILURE" whatever we do we end up in failure.. job or our efforts whatever it is.. specially that too love failure.. someone has ditched you.. someone was not loyal to you.. someone took u for granted.. someone has broken the promise along with your heart too.. ha ha ha.. THANK GOD.. seriously.. do you want someone who can do all the above things in your life? just think..do you want to cry for some guy/girl has left you even when the mistake was not yours.. hey.. you didnt lose anything.. the person who has left you has lost someone (ya you only) who loved them from the bottom of their heart (ya again its you only idiot) and realise .. you didnt lose anything because some bloody bitch/bastard left you who never loved u at all ..there is something and someone better in store for us .. seriously.. it all depends on how you want to live ur life.. if you wanna feel pity about urself and spend ur life crying.. just keep cribbing and crying that someone left u even when you loved them more than urself.. or else chuck them out cause they didnt deserve ur love and wait for the right one.. didnt i tell u in the beginning (ref to monsoon) that best things come very late..

so whatever is not yours will never be yours how much ever u try.. the thing that left u (be it a job or a person or some materialistic thing) was never urs and you deserve something BETTER.. failure may not be the first step to success.. but its defnitely not a pit hole.. even a frog tries hard to come out of the well even though it falls several times before it could climb. .. ARE YOU SO WEAK THAN A FROG?

there is one more important thing that kills almost all of us.. being SINGLE.. as i know that u are bored to the core by reading all the above (if at all) .. i would like to write the positive aspects of being single in my next mail along with few others..

thanks for reading this mail if at all u did till the end.. and i am sorry i am not going to give my address at any cost.. i started living my life again by realising all the above and i dont wanna die that soon.. I AM HAPPY WITH WHATEVER I HAVE.. thanks for being there..